(“Me” in this chat is Elise.)

walton: It is a funny thing about the self-loathing

me: but then id have to determine: what’s self actualization for don?

walton: It stems from his class insecurity

me: yes be already got past that problem. Self-actualization is truth, right, or being as close to your truth as possible (at least that’s what it would be for me). Don’s finally exposed and free to just “be” but he’s sadder than ever!

walton: right. That’s why I called him a novelist the other day

me: is he happier living a lie?

walton: He’s mourning the loss of his last story. The other lie was a great cover.

me: is the key to happiness a new construction, then?

walton: yes. That’s what he was beginning at the end of the last show

me: except the women really trip me up. he seemed at his happiest when he was with miss farrell the teacher, or rachel menken. the people he could be honest with and have all that pillow talk with

walton:  He wasn’t going to end his marriage for them

me: right, but he was willing to run away with either of them and start new lives. how come those women he was so comfortable with were alluring to be with when he was married, but he’d rather be with a hooker now, when farrell is probably available? that’s where it trips me up. he really just wants to be loved there are plenty of women in his tracks that love him, and instead now he wants to be alone with his self-hatred

walton: He’s not sure what story he’s trying to tell now.

me: do you think it’s possible to be a person who’s only truly happy when living an artificial version of life? for instance, i cover politicians and some of them really have been planning and preparing and living just for the personas they created of themselves. i always figure, at the end of their lives, they are going to be like, what the fuck did i do with myself? But if don’s only happy when living in a story, then that supposes there are people who don’t want to live in reality, or live true to themselves

walton: No, some people never get beyond the hollowed out feeling, they’re high on it!

me: that’s so bizarre to me

walton: Henry Kissinger does not believe he ever did anything wrong. Neither does Dick Cheney or Don Rumsfeld. Those are guys who got to positions of unimaginable power because they could actually deny selfhood in favor of power acquisition

me: i dont think don draper seeks more power. i feel like he just wants to be loved.

walton: That’s possible

walton: But he gets that from peggy olson. She loves him, she wants to please him

me: he really is a cipher.

walton: yup

me: i can’t figure out don’s ultimate “motivation,” but one must be there. if he was a total existentialist he wouldn’t hate himself so much. there’d be no stakes if he didnt give a shit about anything

walton: right. But it is only the first episode. he had battled for one kind of position for a long time. The opener only signals newness, changes…